[lawyer voice] mothers and fuckers of the jury-
DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN I THINK ABOUT THIS POST??? IM IN LAW SCHOOL THIS POST IS GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE
my armenian father getting angry at a squirrel
you wanna kiss? a fucking smooch? a godfuckingdamn peck on the lips? id be happy to oblige
Italian mobster voice
i work as an actor at a haunted house and this little girl who was dressed as a cat came through she saw me and was like “no thank you please dont get closer i am already scared” and i was like alright i appreciate the good manners ill back off. so her dad picks her up and starts going down the rest of my dark hall and i just hear her yell “everybody wait! i dropped my ears” so i find them and give them to her dad and she goes “thank you but i hope i never see you again goodbye” and waved over her dads shoulder. i waved back and she gave me a thumbs up. honestly this kid has a lot of guts props for being so polite when shes terrified i hope she gets a lot of candy this year
I’m gonna stay eighteen forever
So we can stay like this forever
And we’ll never miss a party
cause we keep them going constantly
And we’ll never have to listen
to anyone about anything
cause it’s all been done and it’s all been said
we’re the coolest kids and we take what we can get
jigglypuffsvevo